In the case of most couples who separate, one of the two wants to save the marriage. How do you know if your marriage is worth saving or if you should get a divorce? There are several signs that point to a marriage worth saving.
To Divorce or not to Divorce, That is the Question
The honeymoon phase does come to an end at some point. Then you find all the stress in a relationship with differences in parenting styles, financial worries, and in-laws that are meddling in your relationship. This leads to the normal stress of a relationship. Many times separations are common for couples to take a step away from each other and give their relationship the time it deserves to think about what is or is not working. Examining your partner and yourself from the inside out can help you to work things out and save your marriage. Luckily, there are seven distinct signs that should tell couples that your marriage is worth saving.
1.Major Doubts About Leaving
If you find yourself tossing and turning at night and not being able to sleep because you are tormented about the separation and possible the chance of a divorce, then you know your marriage is worth saving. In the same aspect, if you constantly worry about your separation and a possible divorce while driving, at work or many times throughout the day, then you are having second thoughts and doubts, which can be unhealthy for anyone. This means that there are several valid reasons to consider staying together and working things out as a couple. It can help to make a list of the things that did work well in your marriage and acknowledge that there were more good aspects than bad.
2. Children can be Challenging
Everyone’s marriage takes a drastic turn when children are introduced into the family dynamics. Children cause stress because they take time away from a couple that they did have for only each other. Kids take a lot of work and attention and they kill the romance. You find you have to schedule a time to be with your spouse. Parents become tired, stressed out and distracted when they have children. This in itself is not a deal breaker, but merely a challenging situation that needs addressing. If you still have some love between you and your spouse and some respect, your marriage can survive the stresses due to children. If you intend to divorce, you’ll still be connected to your ex-spouse because of the children, so this is an incentive to stay together and work things through. A child’s biggest fear is that their parents will divorce and they will only see the custodial parent on a daily basis, breaking the bond between them and the other parent.
3. You are Willing to Put in the Work
At times, a couple drifts apart simply because neither of the two wanted to put in enough effort to keep relationship healthy. If you are willing to put in the work to make changes together with your partner, then you can rebuild your relationship and maintain it. Just sitting down and talking to each other can help, but make it in a calm manner without pointing fingers or assigning blame to each other. Many couples find that marriage counseling will help each of the partners to speak about things in a calm, cool and collected manner and find answers to their problems. Remember, that both spouses need to contribute to the conversations when working out a marriage.
4. You Can’t See Your Life Without Each Other
If you just can’t picture your life without the other in it, you should work on your marriage to save it. You will likely still see some hints of the person you fell in love with, even in small things on a daily basis. If you still notice some of those things that were so great at the beginning of your relationship, then you owe it to both yourself and to each other to address what caused the issues that drove you to separation and see if you can fix them together.
5. You Think you can Bring that Spark Back
When a relationship is budding and new, you may get butterflies in your stomach when you first see your partner on any given occasion. After several years, the butterflies will literally fly away, leaving you without a spark when you and your spouse are together. This is just a part of life that normally happens as time passes in almost all marriages. If you have the smallest inkling that you can bring that spark back, then your marriage is definitely worth saving. Small gestures each day can rebuild a great connection between two people and can serve as the glue to hold your relationship together. It can be as simple as having a meal out together at your favorite restaurant, watching a movie together or just spending more quality time together.
6. The Problems Aren’t Specific to the Relationship
When things in a marriage get frustrating or challenging, it is common for people to look outside the marriage thinking that something else will solve their problems. Most of the time, the same challenges will soon appear in a different relationship that is new, so it’s worthwhile to seek marriage counseling, family law attorney or advice to stay in your current marriage and just work through the problems. You can’t run away from your spouse’s personality nor can your spouse run away from yours.
7. You Enjoy Spending Time Together
If you still enjoy spending time with your spouse after a separation, it is definitely a sign that your marriage is worth working on. You most probably enjoy many of the same activities as your spouse and get along on a daily basis. If you are both willing to work on improving your lines of communication together, your marriage is definitely salvageable.
These seven signs show when you know your marriage is worth saving. The biggest factor is in honesty, both with your partner and yourself and open lines of communication. Just talking calmly about things can improve your marriage and patch it back up. It does take work on both parties’ parts, but it can be the best decision you make in your life.
Kathleen E. Shaul is a highly-skilled family and divorce attorney based in St. Louis, Missouri. She has been practicing family law in St. Louis since 1995 and is dedicated to providing the highest quality legal representation for families. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.